CONFLICTS

 

Conflicts by Charles R. Swindoll Ephesians 6:18; Philippians 4:6 Paul found himself between a rock and a hard place. He wanted to be in heaven but needed to be on earth. In a temporal sort of way, I share the same frustration. "But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and watch the Super Bowl . . . yet to remain in the pulpit is more necessary for your sake" (Phil. 1:23-24, Swindoll paraphrase). Now don't get me wrong. I love to preach. It's one of the few things I'd rather do than eat---as my wife can testify. But I also love football. With only minor adjustments, both of these "loves" can be maintained without much difficulty . . . except for one Sunday a year. Super Bowl Sunday. On that particular day I freely admit, I have a conflict. I've thought of all sorts of alternative plans: Place a tiny TV on the pulpit shelf and bow in silent prayer several times (to check the score). Put a Walkman in my suit coat and wear an earphone. Ask an usher to signal the score periodically. Conflicts are common. Unfortunately, they are seldom as lighthearted as this one. Some are, in fact, desperately serious. What is a conflict? A conflict is an emotional collision. It is stress caused by incompatible desires or demands. It is what occurs when we have two or more impulses in competition with one another. The stronger the impulse, the greater the tension. The greater the tension, the louder the collision. Conflicts come in many packages, such as when a mother wants to walk with God, raise her children to love the Lord and honor His name. But her husband is turned off to spiritual things. That woman has a conflict between her "mother impulses" and her "wife impulses." She lives with an emotional collision. I have no quick, easy solutions to complex conflicts. But I know this much: Our Lord cares for His own. Knowing our limitations, He urges us to "cast all our anxieties on Him" (1 Pet. 5:7) and to replace worry with active, specific prayer (Phil. 4:6). Prayer may not stop the collision, but, like seat belts, it sure can protect us from serious damage. Subtract the power of Christ, the wisdom of His Word, the calming presence of the Holy Spirit, and you have unbearable collisions that lead to unbelievable tragedies.  Excerpted from Day by Day with Charles Swindoll, Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. (Thomas Nelson Publishers). All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission.

RESTORING RELATIONSHIPS: CONFESS

 

Restoring Relationships: Confess by Rick Warren   "First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye" (Matthew 7:5 NLT). The fourth biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to confess your part of the conflict. If you're serious about restoring a relationship, you should begin with admitting your own mistakes or sin. Jesus said it's the way to see things more clearly: "First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye" (Matt. 7:5 NLT). Since we all have blind spots, you may need to ask a third party to help you evaluate your own actions before meeting with the person with whom you have a conflict. Also, ask God to show you how much of the problem is your fault. Ask, "Am I the problem? Am I being unrealistic, insensitive, or too sensitive?" The Bible says, "If we claim that we're free of sin, we?re only fooling ourselves" (1 John 1:8 Msg). Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. Often the way we handle a conflict creates a bigger hurt than the original problem itself. When you begin by humbly admitting your mistakes, it defuses the other person's anger and disarms their attack because they were probably expecting you to be defensive. Don't make excuses or shift the blame; just honestly own up to any part you have played in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

RESTORING RELATIONSHIPS: TALK TO GOD

 

Restoring Relationships: Talk to God by Rick Warren   "What causes fights and quarrels among you? . . .You want something but don't get it . . . You do not have, because you do not ask God" (James 4:1-2 NIV). The first biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to talk to God before talking to the person. Discuss the problem with God. If you'll pray about the conflict first, instead of gossiping to a friend, you'll often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person without your help. All your relationships would go smoother if you would just pray more about them. As David did with his Psalms, use prayer to ventilate vertically. Tell God your frustrations. Cry out to him. He?s never surprised or upset by your anger, hurt, insecurity, or any other emotions. So tell him exactly how you feel. Most conflict is rooted in unmet needs. Some of these needs can only be met by God. When you expect anyone--a friend, spouse, another pastor, or family member--to meet a need that only God can fulfill, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and bitterness. No one can meet all of your needs except God. The apostle James noted that many of our conflicts are caused by prayerlessness: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? . . . You want something but don't get it . . . You do not have, because you do not ask God" (James 4:1-2, NIV). Instead of looking to God, we look to others to make us happy and then get angry when they fail us. God says, "Why don't you come to me first?"

SERVANT-HEARTED

 

Servant-Hearted by Charles R. Swindoll 2 Corinthians 4:1-7 In his fine little volume In the Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen mentions three very real, albeit subtle temptations any servant of Christ faces. They correspond with the three temptations our Lord faced before He began His earthly ministry. They also fit with three observations the apostle Paul mentions in his letter to the Corinthians (2 Cor. 4:1-7). First Temptation: To be self-sufficient and self-reliant. Instead of being so self-assured, we need to be open, unguarded, and vulnerable. Second Temptation: To be spectacular . . . a celebrity mentality. In Nouwen's words, "Jesus refused to be a stunt man. . . . He did not come to walk on hot coals, swallow fire or put His hand in a lion's mouth to demonstrate He had something worthwhile to say." Third Temptation: To be powerful . . . in charge. To lead is appropriate, necessary, and good. But to push, to manipulate, to be in full control . . . never! To say it simply, one God is sufficient. Servanthood implies diligence, faithfulness, loyalty, and humility. Servants don't compete . . . or grandstand . . . or polish their image . . . or grab the limelight. They know their job, they admit their limitations, they do what they do quietly and consistently. Servants cannot control anyone or everything, and they shouldn't try. Servants cannot change or "fix" people. Servants cannot meet most folks' expectations. Servants cannot concern themselves with who gets the credit. Servants cannot minister in the flesh or all alone. Let me suggest five practical guidelines for cultivating the right kind of servant habits. Whatever we do, let's do more with others. Ministry is not a solo, it's a chorus. Whenever we do it, let's place the emphasis on quality, not quantity. Excellence, not expansion, is our goal. Whenever we go to do it, let's do it the same as if we were doing it among those who know us the best. Not only will this keep us accountable, it'll guard us from exaggeration. Whoever may respond, let's keep a level head. If someone criticizes, don't allow it to get you down. If someone idolizes, don't tolerate or fantasize such foolishness. However long we minister, let's model the Master . . . a servant-hearted and a grace-oriented style. Let's serve . . . in the name of Jesus. A servant-hearted attitude keeps us from self-minded attitude.  Excerpted from Day by Day with Charles Swindoll, Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. (Thomas Nelson Publishers). All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission.

THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL OF DEFIANCE

 

The Downward Spiral of Defiance by Charles R. Swindoll Proverbs 5:21-23 Talk about going from bad to worse. Defiance is the classic illustration. First, defiance begins with carnal attitudes. Long before there are carnal actions, there are carnal attitudes. It can happen to adults just as quickly as it can to teens or kids. Perhaps it would help if I spelled out a few of the attitudes by describing some actual thoughts in the minds of the defiant. The first thought says: "I want my own way." Those who are defiant aren't interested in your way, or God's way. "I want my way." That is an attitude of selfishness. The second thought says this: "I won't quit until I get it." That is an attitude of stubbornness. "I want my way, and I want it when I want it. I will not quit until I get it." That's just plain obstinance; that's stubbornness. Third: "I don't care who it hurts." In other words, "I want my way. I won't quit until I get it, and I don't care who it hurts---husband, wife, peers, parents, kids, the team, my church---I don't care. I'm gonna get my way." That is an attitude of indifference. Fourth: "I refuse to listen to counsel." Obviously, that is an attitude of resistance. "I know God has something to tell me, but I don't want to hear what He's got to say." Or, "I know what He's going to tell me---I know what that Book says. I don't want to listen to God's counsel." That's resistance. Fifth, and finally: "I am not concerned about the consequences." That's contempt. Pushed to the wall, this extreme reaction includes ignoring the consequences---a total lack of concern for the results. "I want my own way. I won't quit until I get it. I don't care who it hurts. I will not listen to counsel. I am not concerned about the consequences." Those are the words of a defiant person. And they can come from our lips just as readily as from a person without Christ. They represent selfishness and stubbornness and indifference and resistance and contempt. As I mentioned earlier, defiance begins with carnal attitudes. Continuing the downward spiral, the second inescapable reality about defiance is this: Defiance leads to personal misery. The defiant person wants freedom, but he finds himself captured. He wants his own way, but he finds himself ensnared by the restrictions that misery brings. Look at Proverbs 13:15 and you'll see a pretty good illustration or statement of that kind of misery. I want to examine two particular terms: Good understanding produces favor, But the way of the treacherous is hard. The word treacherous is translated from the Hebrew verb that means "to deal treacherously or defiantly." The way of one who deals in defiance is hard. Interesting term. It means "to be perpetual, steady, constant, ever enduring, rugged." The etymology of the term finally leads to "ruggedness." The way of the person who deals in defiant thoughts and actions is perpetually rugged, hard, and miserable. Defiance leads to personal misery. There is a third stage on this downward spiral: Defiance results in inescapable bondage. Those most defiant are most bound, not free. For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, And He watches all his paths. (Proverbs 5:21) That's quite a thought. But the next two verses complete the picture: His own iniquities will capture the wicked, And he will be held with the cords of his sin. He will die for lack of instruction, And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray. Look at that! The "cords" from one's own defiance will wrap themselves around the victim and will cause him or her to be inescapably bound up. In the margin of my mind I have written "Samson," who was literally bound with the cords of his own sin---unconquered lust. Frankly, I'm much more concerned about "acceptable" defiance than bold defiance. Why? Because that's what happens more often than not. We cover up. We hide our defiance. We sit on the lid. But, sure enough---given sufficient pressure---something eventually snaps. Your defiance will come out in the most amazing ways: a battered child; a crime of passion; a blistering tongue-lashing; running away from home; an illicit pregnancy; an ugly, caustic line of profane words; an affair; domestic disharmony; a ruined testimony. I charge you before God to deal severely with this giant. It may be slumbering right now---but I warn you---not for long. I would like you to think about your life for just a few moments. I'd like you to trace your actions and attitudes back a day or two, or maybe several weeks. Take a long, straightforward look at where you are. Are any signs of defiance there? "I want my own way. I won't quit till I get it. I don't care who it hurts. I refuse to listen to counsel. I'm not concerned about consequences." My friend, those are dangerous words. If they are there in your head, you're on a powder keg that's going to explode. Your stress fracture will soon become a compound fracture. I ask you to find the hope of forgiveness in Jesus Christ. He is there, and He awaits your turning all that turmoil over to Him . . . that hot cauldron of resentment. The longer it boils, the more lethal it could become. Don't rationalize and say, "Well, that's just the way I am." Call it what it is and say, "Lord, I come to You in my need. I need You to take it, take it now." Excerpted from Stress Fractures, copyright © 1990 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

FOCUS ONLY ON DOING GOD'S WILL

 

Focus Only on Doing God's Will by Rick Warren "Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light" (Matthew 11:27-30 TEV). Expectations are a yoke. Some of you are carrying a yoke--a heavy burden--of the expectations that were put on you by your parents, or your husband, or your wife, or your children. Some of you are burdened down with a yoke put on you by your boss or by your teacher. But most of us carry a yoke of burden that we've put on ourselves because of unresolved guilt and unrealistic expectations. We're trying to prove that we matter. We take on a heavy yoke that God never intended in order to prove that we're important when God says we're already important: He created us to be with him and to fulfill a unique mission in life. That makes us important, not all the things we do (or don't do). God's yoke is that we follow his purpose for our lives, and when we do that, things work out a whole lot better. When we go our own way in life, we hit one brick wall after another. In a sense, God says, "Put on my purpose, my plan for your life." How heavy is God's yoke? Jesus says, "The yoke I will give you is light and easy." You say, "But my Christian life isn't easy. My Christian life is heavy; it's like a duty that I have to fulfill." Then it may be you are out of God's will. You may be doing something that God never intended for you to do. I can't say it any plainer than this: It may be some of the things you think God is asking you to do, He's not asking you to do. Your conscious and your perfectionism are asking you to do them. Jesus did not come to give you a burden but a blessing. Am I saying the Christian life has no problems? No, not at all! We all will have a lot of problems. The Christian life is full of difficulties. The point is this: to live in the center of God's will is a lighter load than to live out of God's will. To live in God's purpose and plan for your life is a lighter, more relaxing, more enjoyable load than for you to live your own life any old way you choose. If you say, "My Christian life is a burden right now," then there are some things in your life that you're doing that God never intended for you to do. One of the things you need to do is get quiet before God and ask, "What do I need to cut out of my life?" I need to focus on the things that really count--my relationship to God, my relationship to my family, my relationship to other Christians, my relationship to the world. That's what counts. Jesus says, "Come to me all of you who are tired from carrying your heavy loads and I will give you rest." The answer to your stress is not a bunch of principles. The answer to your stress is a relationship to a person: Jesus Christ. "Come to Me. I will give you deep, abiding, gut level rest." It's a personal invitation. Are you living under condemnation? If you are, Jesus says, "Come to me . . . and I will give you rest." In a sense, this is what Jesus is saying: "Why don't we do this . . . why don't we take that heavy yoke of guilt that you're carrying, take it off and put it down over here. Instead, let me put on you my light yoke of grace. Get rid of the guilt and let's replace it with grace. You see how much better this fits; how much more comfortable it is?" Take off this yoke of perfectionism, where you're always trying to prove yourself and toss it over to be burned. Put on the yoke of God?s plan for your life; his purpose. When you do that, your confidence will soar. Focus Only on Doing God's Will by Rick Warren   "Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light" (Matthew 11:27-30 TEV). Expectations are a yoke. Some of you are carrying a yoke--a heavy burden--of the expectations that were put on you by your parents, or your husband, or your wife, or your children. Some of you are burdened down with a yoke put on you by your boss or by your teacher. But most of us carry a yoke of burden that we've put on ourselves because of unresolved guilt and unrealistic expectations. We're trying to prove that we matter. We take on a heavy yoke that God never intended in order to prove that we're important when God says we're already important: He created us to be with him and to fulfill a unique mission in life. That makes us important, not all the things we do (or don't do). God's yoke is that we follow his purpose for our lives, and when we do that, things work out a whole lot better. When we go our own way in life, we hit one brick wall after another. In a sense, God says, "Put on my purpose, my plan for your life." How heavy is God's yoke? Jesus says, "The yoke I will give you is light and easy." You say, "But my Christian life isn't easy. My Christian life is heavy; it's like a duty that I have to fulfill." Then it may be you are out of God's will. You may be doing something that God never intended for you to do. I can't say it any plainer than this: It may be some of the things you think God is asking you to do, He's not asking you to do. Your conscious and your perfectionism are asking you to do them. Jesus did not come to give you a burden but a blessing. Am I saying the Christian life has no problems? No, not at all! We all will have a lot of problems. The Christian life is full of difficulties. The point is this: to live in the center of God's will is a lighter load than to live out of God's will. To live in God's purpose and plan for your life is a lighter, more relaxing, more enjoyable load than for you to live your own life any old way you choose. If you say, "My Christian life is a burden right now," then there are some things in your life that you're doing that God never intended for you to do. One of the things you need to do is get quiet before God and ask, "What do I need to cut out of my life?" I need to focus on the things that really count--my relationship to God, my relationship to my family, my relationship to other Christians, my relationship to the world. That's what counts. Jesus says, "Come to me all of you who are tired from carrying your heavy loads and I will give you rest." The answer to your stress is not a bunch of principles. The answer to your stress is a relationship to a person: Jesus Christ. "Come to Me. I will give you deep, abiding, gut level rest." It's a personal invitation. Are you living under condemnation? If you are, Jesus says, "Come to me . . . and I will give you rest." In a sense, this is what Jesus is saying: "Why don't we do this . . . why don't we take that heavy yoke of guilt that you're carrying, take it off and put it down over here. Instead, let me put on you my light yoke of grace. Get rid of the guilt and let's replace it with grace. You see how much better this fits; how much more comfortable it is?" Take off this yoke of perfectionism, where you're always trying to prove yourself and toss it over to be burned. Put on the yoke of God's plan for your life; his purpose. When you do that, your confidence will soar.

QUIT TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYBODY

 

Quit Trying to Please Everybody by Rick Warren   "It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you" (Proverbs 29:25 GN). When we worry about what other people think, we let them control us. We waste a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what other people want us to be. Then, we waste a lot of time and energy trying to become like that rather than just being what God made us to be. You're manipulated and controlled by somebody else. Worrying about what other people think is dangerous because we're more likely to cave in to criticism. It means we don't always do the right thing; instead, we do the thing that everybody wants us to do. And we're in danger of missing God's best because we're so worried about what other people what us to do that we can't stop to think about what God wants us to do. • Fact #1: You cannot please everybody. Even God can't please everybody. One person prays for it to rain; another prays for it to be sunny. In the Super Bowl, both teams are praying that they will win. Who is God going to answer? God can't please everybody. Only a fool would try to do what even God can't do. You can't please everybody. • Fact #2: It's not necessary to please everybody. There is a myth that says you must be loved and approved by everybody in order to be happy. That's just not true. You don't have to please everybody in order to be happy in life. • Fact #3: Rejection will not ruin your life. It hurts, sure. It's not fun. It's uncomfortable. But rejection will not ruin your life unless you let it. Quit trying to please everybody! Remember that nobody can make you feel inferior unless you give them permission. The Apostle Paul says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31 TEV) This means we can think like this: 'God likes me, and I like me; if you don't like me, then you've got a problem. If God likes me, who cares that everybody doesn't approve of everything I do.' Remember, nothing you ever do will make God love you less. Nothing you ever do will make God love you more. He loves you completely right now.

ELIMINATE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

 

Eliminate Negative Self-Talk by Rick Warren   "Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts" (Proverbs 4:23 GN). Long before psychology came around, God said your thoughts determine your feelings and your feelings determine your actions. If you want to change your life, you've got to control the way you think. Our minds are really an amazing creation. It would take a computer the size of a small city just to carry out the basic functions of your brain. Your brain contains over one hundred billion nerve cells. Each individual cell is connected with ten thousand other neurons. In addition, you're constantly talking to yourself--all the time. Your mind is talking to you! You're talking to yourself right now. Research indicates that most people speak at a rate of 150 to 200 words per minute, but the mind can listen to about 500-600 words a minute. That's why you can listen to me and plan today's dinner at the same time. In fact, our internal dialogue--the conversation we have with ourselves--is at a rate of 1,300 words per minute. How? Because our mind sees in pictures, and you can see a thought in a nano-second! The problem is a lot of us are like Job, who says, "Everything I say seems to condemn me" (Job 9:20 GN). He is saying, in effect, "Everything I say puts me down." If you are typical to the human race, you are your own worst critic. We're always putting ourselves down. We walk into a room smiling, but inside we're thinking, "I'm fat. I'm dumb. I'm ugly. And I'm always late!" God wants us to stop putting ourselves down. When you put yourself down, who are you really putting down? When you say, "I'm fat. I'm dumb. I'm ugly. I'm no good. I have no talent," you're really pointing to the Creator who made you. When you say, "God, I'm worthless. I'm no good. I can't do anything," you're saying, "God, you blew it with me." That's why God says it's wrong to put yourself down. How do you eliminate negative self-talk so you can become a more confident person? The Bible teaches the principle of replacement: "Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right . . . Think about all you can thank God for and be glad about" (Philippians 4:8 TLB). In other words, don't think about all those weaknesses in your life. Focus on who God wants you want to be and on what God wants to do in your life. I don't know any better antidote to low self-esteem (or to facing your hurts, habits, and hang-ups) than to read God's word every day: study it, memorize it, meditate on it, and apply it in your life. There isn't a better thing you can do to raise your confidence level than to start believing what God says about you. As I read through the Bible, chapter by chapter, I find a verse that speaks to me. I write it down on a card, memorize it, and then I start affirming it back to God. "Father, thank you that I am valuable; I am significant; I am forgivable; I am capable." Let God renew your mind because "your life is shaped by your thoughts" (Proverbs 4:23 GN).

GOD'S ATTITUDE TOWARD DEFIANCE

 

God's Attitude toward Defiance by Charles R. Swindoll 1 Kings 11:6, 9-13 Solomon planted seeds of willfulness and independence that reaped a harvest of age-old rebellion in his heart. Let's see what God did in response to Solomon's defiance. Read 1 Kings 11:9-11. His very first reaction was a strong statement of divine anger. Right off the bat: "Now the LORD was angry with Solomon" (v. 9). What a refreshing balance, what a clean breath of air! Of course God was angry! Week after week we hear of the love of God. We are told of the compassion and the mercy and the grace of God, and we surely should be. But to the exclusion of His anger? I think not. How easy to forget that He is holy. How seldom we hear teaching of the wrath and the anger of God, of the jealousy God has for the purity of His people. Mark it down in bold print: Defiance still makes God angry. Not too long ago, I did a scriptural study on divine anger. To tell you the truth, I was amazed at how often the word anger appears in the Bible in relation to God. Usually, the word kindled accompanies the term. His anger is often kindled. Our English word has in mind the idea of arousing or stirring something up or starting embers to glow. It's usually related to the kindling of a fire. The Hebrew word translated kindled comes from the root verb that suggests "to be heated to the point of vexation." It vexes God when He sees His children walk against His plan. I repeat, it still makes Him angry. I have several old Puritan books. Every time I read them, I find myself reminded of the holiness of God. God stands ready to deal with His people, modern-day teaching notwithstanding. We need the reminder that He is still jealous for our hearts, and when we walk against His way, He deals with us. The Bible is replete with illustrations such as these. Is He patient? Yes. Loving? Of course. Merciful? Always. But holy? And jealous? Absolutely. Never, ever forget that when we serve the idols of our own lives, the Lord becomes angry because our hearts are turned off to Him. Even His longsuffering has a limit; His patience reaches an end. It's like what my folks used to say when I finally went too far. In a tone clearly reserved for finality, they would say: "Charles, THAT'S IT!" Oh---those awful two words! "That's it!" How I would long for a place to hide . . . or the coming of the Lord for His own! At times God says to His children, "That's it! No more!" And He moves right in. Defiance, I find more often than any other attitude, is the thing that kindles God's anger. Let us never forget that our defiance gives Him every right to be angry. We've broken His holy plan for us. He wants us to walk in the light, in fellowship with Him, just as He is in the light. Did you notice how God said He would remove Solomon's kingdom? According to verse 11, He would "tear" the kingdom from him. T-E-A-R. That, my friends, is a serious stress fracture. When we exhibit defiance, forcing the Lord to step in and deal with us, it's a tearing experience. It's a ripping away of things that are very important to us. Our peace and calm are disturbed. Our diplomatic relationships with people are stirred up. We don't get along with our parents. We don't get along with our kids. We don't get along with our peers as we once did. All of that is a tearing away of kingdoms that were built in defiance. Let's not overlook the Lord's mercy here. He says in verses 12 and 13: "Nevertheless I will not do it in your days for the sake of your father David, but I will tear it out of the hand of your son. However, I will not tear away all the kingdom, but I will give one tribe to your son for the sake of My servant David and for the sake of Jerusalem which I have chosen." Those are hard, strong words. Frankly, defiant people only hear hard, strong words. They are not listening to the whisperings or the quiet movements of God. So, we see that God responds to defiance with righteous anger. He also takes action.   Excerpted from Stress Fractures, copyright © 1990 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

DEFIANCE: A BIBLICAL WARNING

 

Defiance: A Biblical Warning by Charles R. Swindoll 1 Kings 11:1-8 When it comes to the topic of rebellion, King Solomon's story is pretty incredible. Although bright, rich, capable, and the son of a famous father, Solomon became an insolent, carnal man. We need to see how God dealt with him---the epitome of defiance. The part of Solomon's biography that interests us today is recorded in 1 Kings 11. This is not a teenaged, rebellious son living under the roof of his parents; this is a middle-aged man who has reached the pinnacle of success. (Remember, there is no age restriction on defiance---you can be defiant and be up in years. You can be defiant as a child, a teenager, or an adult.) By now, Solomon was "running the show" of the kingdom. But, like a bolt out of the blue, he broke free. He must have thought, "I'm going to get my way regardless." He seemed to change overnight. When that happens, it's time for people like us to sit up and learn some lessons. Solomon's life continues to be a warning to all of us. Actually, Solomon's defiance was not a sudden thing. Not at all. There were some seeds he'd planted early in life which he later harvested in adulthood. The first were seeds of compromise. Remember when he had an alliance with Pharaoh and married Pharaoh's daughter? The story is recorded in 1 Kings, chapter 3. As a result of that compromising alliance, he began to make concessions in his spiritual walk. The compromise seeds grew into a loss of distinction as a sensitive man of God. He lost his distinction as a monotheistic Jewish ruler. He had been instructed not to cohabit or even mingle with foreign women. His Jewish upbringing included strong admonitions against intermarrying with Gentiles. The seeds of compromise were now harvested in a loss of distinction. A little later on in his life, Solomon planted seeds of extravagance. He lived extravagantly. He spent extravagantly. He built extravagantly. There were no parameters on his budget. He was able to buy at will, build whatever he desired, and live wherever and however he wished. Self-control and restraint were not in his vocabulary. In the journal he kept, Ecclesiastes, we discover that his fast-lane, go-for-broke lifestyle led to cynicism, boredom, and disillusionment. Such is the fruit of extravagance. Third, there was unaccountability. The more closely you study his managerial habits, the more you realize Solomon was never willing to be accountable---not to any of his counselors, not to any of the prophets, not to any of his wives who surrounded him. We never read of Solomon's asking for straight answers or listening to sound advice. He mentions the wisdom of it---theoretically---in the Book of Proverbs, but it is conspicuously absent in his life. He operated like the Lone Ranger. He was close-minded. Ultimately, he even ignored what God was saying through His spokesmen, which is lethal for any spiritual leader. The seeds of unaccountability were finally harvested . . . as they always are. The fruit? Unchecked independence. Nobody can get away with unaccountability. After a while, you've got to pay the piper. And that's what Solomon did in the latter years of his life. One more category of seeds should be mentioned---the seeds of idolatry. When harvested, idolatry led to lust and open defiance. This is precisely where we find Solomon in 1 Kings 11. The man is living in the backwash of carnality. He doesn't know it, but he is about to be dealt with by the Lord God, who always takes a dim view of defiance. Now King Solomon loved many foreign women along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the LORD had said to the sons of Israel, "You shall not associate with them, nor shall they associate with you, for they will surely turn your heart away after their gods." Solomon held fast to these in love. (1 Kings 11:1-2) Solomon not only married foreign women, he married many of them, in direct defiance of Scripture. Defiance always denies Scripture willfully---not ignorantly, willfully. And did you notice how verse 2 closes? "Solomon held fast to these in love." He flaunted it. He not only embraced them, he embraced them publicly. He not only married them, he courted them in front of the people of Israel. He not only played around . . . he held fast to them in love. We should not be surprised to read in the very next verse that "his wives turned his heart away" (11:4). We don't use that expression today. We use the words "turned off." He was "turned off" to spiritual things. Take time to note the harvest of Solomon's seeds of defiance in verses 4-8. His defiance was his downfall. Excerpted from Stress Fractures, copyright © 1990 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

CONFIDENT IN GOD'S FORGIVENESS

 

Confident in God's Forgiveness by Rick Warren   "Look straight ahead with honest confidence; don't hang your head in shame" (Proverbs 4:25 TEV). You don't need to walk around carrying a load of guilt. The Apostle Paul says, "Yes, all have sinned; all fall short of God's glorious ideal; yet now God declares us 'not guilty' of offending him if we trust in Jesus Christ, who in his kindness freely takes away our sins" (Romans 3:23-24 TLB). God wants to forgive you. Imagine a giant blackboard with all of your sins written across it and God comes along with a giant eraser and erases it all. It's like an etch-a-sketch. You turn it upside down and shake it, turn it back up and the slate is clean. That's good news, isn't it? But we need to accept God's forgiveness. We may know about God's forgiveness intellectually, but to believe it, deep down inside, accepting, in faith, that it is true. Because it is! And one thing that often blocks us from accepting forgiveness from God is that we are unable to forgive ourselves. You need to forgive yourself for your past failures and sins, for the habits and hang-ups that led you to sin. Forgive yourself! God wants you to forgive yourself. He teaches us to "Look straight ahead with honest confidence; don't hang your head in shame" (Proverbs 4:25 TEV). Have you ever committed a sin and asked God to forgive you, and even though you know He's forgiven you, you still feel lousy? What do you do in that situation? Do you go back and ask Him to forgive you again? Confess it again, over and over? No. You only have to confess a sin one time and it's forgiven. But you may have to forgive yourself a hundred times and say it over and over until it sinks in: "God's forgiven me. It's over." Our problem is, we want to keep reminding God of things He's already forgotten. It's forgiven and forgotten. You've already dealt with it. Someone once asked Eleanor Roosevelt, "How did you accomplish so much with your life?" She said, "I never waste time with regrets." Don't waste time with your regrets: accept God's forgiveness and forgive yourself.