CONFLICTS

 

Conflicts by Charles R. Swindoll Ephesians 6:18; Philippians 4:6 Paul found himself between a rock and a hard place. He wanted to be in heaven but needed to be on earth. In a temporal sort of way, I share the same frustration. "But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and watch the Super Bowl . . . yet to remain in the pulpit is more necessary for your sake" (Phil. 1:23-24, Swindoll paraphrase). Now don't get me wrong. I love to preach. It's one of the few things I'd rather do than eat---as my wife can testify. But I also love football. With only minor adjustments, both of these "loves" can be maintained without much difficulty . . . except for one Sunday a year. Super Bowl Sunday. On that particular day I freely admit, I have a conflict. I've thought of all sorts of alternative plans: Place a tiny TV on the pulpit shelf and bow in silent prayer several times (to check the score). Put a Walkman in my suit coat and wear an earphone. Ask an usher to signal the score periodically. Conflicts are common. Unfortunately, they are seldom as lighthearted as this one. Some are, in fact, desperately serious. What is a conflict? A conflict is an emotional collision. It is stress caused by incompatible desires or demands. It is what occurs when we have two or more impulses in competition with one another. The stronger the impulse, the greater the tension. The greater the tension, the louder the collision. Conflicts come in many packages, such as when a mother wants to walk with God, raise her children to love the Lord and honor His name. But her husband is turned off to spiritual things. That woman has a conflict between her "mother impulses" and her "wife impulses." She lives with an emotional collision. I have no quick, easy solutions to complex conflicts. But I know this much: Our Lord cares for His own. Knowing our limitations, He urges us to "cast all our anxieties on Him" (1 Pet. 5:7) and to replace worry with active, specific prayer (Phil. 4:6). Prayer may not stop the collision, but, like seat belts, it sure can protect us from serious damage. Subtract the power of Christ, the wisdom of His Word, the calming presence of the Holy Spirit, and you have unbearable collisions that lead to unbelievable tragedies.  Excerpted from Day by Day with Charles Swindoll, Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. (Thomas Nelson Publishers). All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission.

RESTORING RELATIONSHIPS: CONFESS

 

Restoring Relationships: Confess by Rick Warren   "First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye" (Matthew 7:5 NLT). The fourth biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to confess your part of the conflict. If you're serious about restoring a relationship, you should begin with admitting your own mistakes or sin. Jesus said it's the way to see things more clearly: "First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye" (Matt. 7:5 NLT). Since we all have blind spots, you may need to ask a third party to help you evaluate your own actions before meeting with the person with whom you have a conflict. Also, ask God to show you how much of the problem is your fault. Ask, "Am I the problem? Am I being unrealistic, insensitive, or too sensitive?" The Bible says, "If we claim that we're free of sin, we?re only fooling ourselves" (1 John 1:8 Msg). Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. Often the way we handle a conflict creates a bigger hurt than the original problem itself. When you begin by humbly admitting your mistakes, it defuses the other person's anger and disarms their attack because they were probably expecting you to be defensive. Don't make excuses or shift the blame; just honestly own up to any part you have played in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

RESTORING RELATIONSHIPS: TALK TO GOD

 

Restoring Relationships: Talk to God by Rick Warren   "What causes fights and quarrels among you? . . .You want something but don't get it . . . You do not have, because you do not ask God" (James 4:1-2 NIV). The first biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to talk to God before talking to the person. Discuss the problem with God. If you'll pray about the conflict first, instead of gossiping to a friend, you'll often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person without your help. All your relationships would go smoother if you would just pray more about them. As David did with his Psalms, use prayer to ventilate vertically. Tell God your frustrations. Cry out to him. He?s never surprised or upset by your anger, hurt, insecurity, or any other emotions. So tell him exactly how you feel. Most conflict is rooted in unmet needs. Some of these needs can only be met by God. When you expect anyone--a friend, spouse, another pastor, or family member--to meet a need that only God can fulfill, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and bitterness. No one can meet all of your needs except God. The apostle James noted that many of our conflicts are caused by prayerlessness: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? . . . You want something but don't get it . . . You do not have, because you do not ask God" (James 4:1-2, NIV). Instead of looking to God, we look to others to make us happy and then get angry when they fail us. God says, "Why don't you come to me first?"

SERVANT-HEARTED

 

Servant-Hearted by Charles R. Swindoll 2 Corinthians 4:1-7 In his fine little volume In the Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen mentions three very real, albeit subtle temptations any servant of Christ faces. They correspond with the three temptations our Lord faced before He began His earthly ministry. They also fit with three observations the apostle Paul mentions in his letter to the Corinthians (2 Cor. 4:1-7). First Temptation: To be self-sufficient and self-reliant. Instead of being so self-assured, we need to be open, unguarded, and vulnerable. Second Temptation: To be spectacular . . . a celebrity mentality. In Nouwen's words, "Jesus refused to be a stunt man. . . . He did not come to walk on hot coals, swallow fire or put His hand in a lion's mouth to demonstrate He had something worthwhile to say." Third Temptation: To be powerful . . . in charge. To lead is appropriate, necessary, and good. But to push, to manipulate, to be in full control . . . never! To say it simply, one God is sufficient. Servanthood implies diligence, faithfulness, loyalty, and humility. Servants don't compete . . . or grandstand . . . or polish their image . . . or grab the limelight. They know their job, they admit their limitations, they do what they do quietly and consistently. Servants cannot control anyone or everything, and they shouldn't try. Servants cannot change or "fix" people. Servants cannot meet most folks' expectations. Servants cannot concern themselves with who gets the credit. Servants cannot minister in the flesh or all alone. Let me suggest five practical guidelines for cultivating the right kind of servant habits. Whatever we do, let's do more with others. Ministry is not a solo, it's a chorus. Whenever we do it, let's place the emphasis on quality, not quantity. Excellence, not expansion, is our goal. Whenever we go to do it, let's do it the same as if we were doing it among those who know us the best. Not only will this keep us accountable, it'll guard us from exaggeration. Whoever may respond, let's keep a level head. If someone criticizes, don't allow it to get you down. If someone idolizes, don't tolerate or fantasize such foolishness. However long we minister, let's model the Master . . . a servant-hearted and a grace-oriented style. Let's serve . . . in the name of Jesus. A servant-hearted attitude keeps us from self-minded attitude.  Excerpted from Day by Day with Charles Swindoll, Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. (Thomas Nelson Publishers). All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission.